You can't do everything
'Most readers and my clients are women who are interested in everything about a child: How to best care for him, raise him, what and how to feed him, dress him, develop him in all aspects, and the like. They are conscientious mothers who give their children attention and loving care. Which is great! Less great is how this affects other areas in early motherhood. You can't do everything, it has to come from somewhere. There is no more time or desire to devote to yourself or your partner. Income is falling and costs are rising.
In the short term, it can be endured, especially if both partners plan ahead and communicate about how everything will be temporarily different after the birth of the child. Frequent dates, dinners, cinemas, passionate sex will end. The first year of a child's life is a great ordeal for a couple. It sounds like a paradox if the child is planned and wanted - after all, love should multiply and reach a higher meaning, right? But when you think about all the changes, it makes sense. Without care, the flower withers, and so does the partnership.

Time for yourself and with your partner is important
My main recommendations for the role of a partner are: 1) communicate with each other about your ideas and needs, 2) tell yourself that it's just a period, 3) don't put the relationship on the back burner - try to establish a regular time for just the two of you as soon as possible, for example when someone the watch is being carried by a child in a pram or playing with the child in the bedroom while you are in the living room.

I would also recommend establishing a regular time for yourself as soon as possible. For example 10 to 20 minutes every day and two hours every week. It seems like a small thing, but it's a big deal for many women. They are worried if the child will feel abandoned by them. If the partner can take care as well as they do. Or regrets about how much they look forward to the time without a child. This internal conflict – I want to leave, but I shouldn't – can lead to anxiety or to the woman not even enjoying time for herself.

This can be very well dealt with through cognitive-behavioral therapy. And sometimes it's enough to discuss it with a friend. Often women are surprised to find that they have exactly the same thing, they just don't talk about it out loud. It's good to just try, to rediscover yourself little by little. What do I personally enjoy? What can I do just for myself? Have a hot coffee? Take a bath? Read a book? Is once a week fine for me? Or once a day always in the evening? When and with whom is my baby most comfortable without me and I can leave carefree?

The child senses discomfort from the mother
When a woman puts her self at the back for a long time in order to keep everyone around happy, it often unfortunately ends up in the opposite way. She is exhausted, overwhelmed, irritable, the spontaneity, joy and her uniqueness, for which her partner fell in love with her, are disappearing. The child will also sense discomfort from the mother, even if she is always smiling on the outside.

As a child psychologist, I certainly do not support extremes such as letting a child cry or going to Hawaii without him for a month immediately after six months. But when I can't anymore, the baby keeps crying, all he wants is me and I feel like jumping out of my skin? So I just go and order a walk or a meeting with a friend. The partner and the child can last an hour or two. And you will have something to learn from. You also have to put the oxygen mask on yourself first on the plane.'

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BOX: What would you be interested in next? Write your suggestions to vinci@kolorky.cz. Or contact Lucia Miškóc directly in the support group on Facebook called Breathe, Mom.